Puritan Day

The following is an actual e-mail I sent to my actual mother on December 18, 2007 describing a less than perfect morning. Maybe some of you can relate. Sorry for the bad grammar, but I’m a teacher and I was trying to write the e-mail during passing periods because I thought my mom would find it amusing. She did. She proceeded to forward it to several people who also thought it was funny, so here it is…

my snooze didn't go off this morning so i was scrambling. i look like a puritan. didn't have time to shave and my legs are all dry and scaly so i needed something long. i wore my brown pants yesterday and my black ones have to be washed and i'm afraid to wear jeans lest my boss should see me so i found a long black skirt that probably hasn't been worn in years. i'm not the biggest fan of long skirts, but desperate times... that brought up the issue of footwear. i was going to wear some slip on shoes but felt going sockless in this weather didn't look quite right. i wore hose last week and won't be making that mistake again any time soon. then i remembered thigh highs! but, apparently i threw all of mine away. that left knee highs which is fine because the split in the back of the skirt doesn’t go up to the knee area. of course my good black ones are dirty, so i found another pair at the bottom of the drawer. i was going to wear some heeled loafers but when i put them on they were UGLY. i was forced to turn to boots, and my black ones only go up to the ankle and they look like little witch boots. when i stand up i have to tug the damn skirt down to cover the tops of the pilgrimy little things and they just barely stay covered. so i get to school and on the walk to my classroom i realize why these socks were at the bottom of the drawer, they fell down. so now i've got my knee highs being held up with rubber bands. how sexy is that? so i have on an old ugly long skirt, boots that were en vogue at the salem witch trial, and rubber bands around my damn knees.